Before saying “I do” to joining a bridal party for the first time, there are a few things you should know about how to be a bridesmaid. Getting asked to be in a wedding is a big honor that shouldn’t be taken lightly. After all, it comes with major time, financial, and emotional commitments. It’s important to gain an understanding of all the responsibilities expected of a bridal party member so you can be a help to the bride rather than a
So, instead of following the guidance of bridesmaids seen in our favorite wedding rom-coms (27-time bridesmaid Katherine Heigl showed us a not-so-great example in her iconic early-aughts role, after all), we asked seven-time bridesmaid and one-time maid of honor Nicole Cunningham to provide her expert advice. “I think the most important job of a bridesmaid is to show up for the bride the way she would want you to,” advises Cunningham, who balances working in PR between her stints as a bridesmaid.
“You were chosen for a reason! Out of all the people in her life, she picked you to stand beside her on one of the biggest days of her life, and I think that says a lot about how the bride views you and how important your friendship is to her.” She adds, “No matter what, I think the goal is the same: making sure the bride feels supported, excited, celebrated, and never alone throughout the process.”
Ahead, we break down everything a bridesmaid should know to excel in the role.
The Duties of a Bridesmaid The main role
The Duties of a Bridesmaid
The main role of a bridesmaid is to be present throughout the wedding weekend, follow the attire guidelines asked of the wedding party, and be a support to the bride leading up to the big day. Cunningham shares that while every to-be-wed may have different asks for her bridesmaids, you should come at those tasks with enthusiasm. “Some want help with every little detail, while others just want someone who brings good energy and keeps things fun,” she says.
While a maid of honor is often tasked with more responsibilities, such as planning a bridal shower, bachelorette, and arranging wedding weekend logistics, they may call on you for support. It’s always appreciated to lend a helping hand if needed, but don’t feel obligated to lead the planning. If the bride is having a bachelorette party ahead of the wedding, it is encouraged for you to go.
However, it is not a requirement if you have a very valid excuse. “Would most brides love to have everyone there? Of course,” says Cunningham. “But life happens. Budgets happen. Work happens. I think most reasonable brides understand that real life exists.” If you are unable to make the party, it’s considered courteous to find another way to celebrate with the bride or add to the experience.
Sometimes that’s sending a thoughtful gift, helping
“Sometimes that’s sending a thoughtful gift, helping with planning beforehand, taking the bride to dinner when she gets back, or just making her feel loved and excited leading up to the wedding,” notes Cunningham. A bridesmaid should also be proactive and provide support throughout the wedding weekend without being asked. “A truly great bridesmaid is thinking about how to make the experience easier, more fun, and less stressful for the bride without needing any credit for it,” notes Cunningham.
“They are the ones making sure she’s eaten something, bringing her water, fluffing her dress, checking in when she seems overwhelmed, or quietly handling a problem before she even knows it exists.” She adds that good energy is key to being a star bridal party member: “The calm, funny, flexible bridesmaids who can roll with whatever the day throws at them are everything!”
Bridesmaid Mistakes to Avoid
Cunningham says there are two main mistakes a bridesmaid can make along the wedding journey.
“The first is bringing problems to the bride that she genuinely does not need to hear about! Obviously there will be situations where she needs to be looped in, but I think a lot of the job is actually protecting her peace a little bit,” she says. “If there’s a minor issue, a logistics hiccup, or some random bridal party drama, your first thought shouldn’t be: ‘Let me call the bride.’ It should be: ‘Can we solve this before it ever gets to her?’ Your job is to try your best to make things easier, not give her another thing to worry about!”
The second mistake bridesmaids make is forgetting that the wedding isn’t about you.
That sounds harsher than I mean it, says
“That sounds harsher than I mean it,” says Cunningham. “But I think sometimes people get caught up in whether they like the dress, agree with the color, would’ve picked a different bachelorette activity, or would have planned something differently.” It’s important to be an active cheerleader despite any grievances you may have with plans chosen by the bride. “My personal philosophy is that I get one weekend in a dress I may or may not wear again, while the bride gets one wedding,” she shares.
“Sometimes being a great bridesmaid means being flexible, rolling with it, and remembering whose moment it is.”
How to Budget as a Bridesmaid
There’s no denying that being a wedding party member is an investment. Between showers, gifts, flights, and dresses, the costs can easily add up. If you’re saying yes to being a bridesmaid, Cunningham says it’s best to start thinking about budgeting for those expenses early on.
“Way earlier than you think you need to! The earlier you start planning and budgeting, the easier it is to spread things out,” she says. Understandably, the costs of certain weddings can add up more than you might be able to afford. It’s important to have open communication with the bride to see if there may be a way to make a compromise on certain costs or if you may need to bow out of events.
If something genuinely isn’t feasible financially, having
“If something genuinely isn’t feasible financially, having an honest conversation early is always better than stressing about it in silence,” says Cunningham. How to Be a Star Bridesmaid
While there are some requirements to being a bridesmaid, there are a few things you can do to go the extra mile to make the wedding experience extra special for the bride. First off, you should do what you can to anticipate a bride’s needs, reduce stress during planning, and even deal with minor emergencies.
“Weddings are basically organized chaos by nature,” says Cunningham. “Staying calm, keeping a sense of humor, and focusing on solutions will get you a lot farther than panicking. Most wedding ‘emergencies’ feel huge in the moment and then become funny stories everyone tells later.”
While every bridesmaid should give the couple a wedding gift, you also should consider something special for the bride.
“One of my favorite things I’ve ever done is put together a ‘Letters for the Bride’ book,” says Cunningham. “Before the wedding, I secretly collected notes from her parents, bridesmaids, siblings, and other important people in her life and turned them into a book for her to open on the morning of her wedding. Every bride I’ve done it for has cried, so I’d say it’s been a pretty successful project.”
At the end of the day, a good bridesmaid is a good friend.
“The reason you’re there isn’t because you’re good at booking Airbnbs or coordinating schedules,” says Cunningham. “You’re there because the bride loves you and wants you by her side! If you keep that perspective, everything else feels a lot easier.”
Source: www.vogue.com
